My New House In The Snow!

We had our first official snowfall of the season a few days ago. I woke up and it was a winter wonderland outside! I immediately got up and put on my outdoor gear to head out and play in the snow with Buddy Bear and Sam and of course take some pictures.

Here is our new house in Waynesboro, PA

We have a long private lane (part gravel and part asphalt) leading up to our house from the road. The lane is about half-3/4 mile long which really helps to seclude us in the woods a bit. We really like it here! (See more pics on my Facebook)

I don't mind that the snow came early this year! I love the holidays, the feeling of the season changing, the smells, the sights, the shopping, and family get-togethers, Christmas music, waking up to the delicious smell of the turkey baking in the oven, lights from a Christmas tree, picking out gifts to give to your friends and family, going out the Outlets to shop at midnight on Black Friday morning, etc....I could keep going on and on!

THIS IS A WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR GOD HAS GIVEN US!

I Knew It Was Eventually Going To Happen...

Well being in the military you always know deployments are possible but you just try not to think about it...until you have to. We've already been through a 15 month deployment which THANK GOD is over and everything turned out positively in the end, but Sam isn't out of the military completely until 2012. Right now he's technically on a state-side deployment (yeah its all really confusing if you don't already know what I'm talking about) but he's doing so well at his state-side deployment that they asked him to be part of a special group who goes back overseas to the Middle East to basically do what he's doing now over there...but with more dangerous situations. Thankfully, this deployment will only be about 3-4 months long next year which pales in comparison to 15 months. And its a lot more money which could really help us out for our financial future. Sam has the option to say yes or no which is unusual for the military but we would almost be stupid for not taking the opportunity.

But that means being left behind alone AGAIN. We just moved 2 hours away from my family and so I'd probably move back in with my parents for 3-4 months while Sam was gone and keep paying rent on our current house because he's going to end up coming back to the same place we live now for his job there after he gets home. I absolutely WILL NOT live alone while Sam is gone. I hate living alone and it makes no sense for me to do that since my job takes me back towards Lancaster anyway. I'm actually excited to live back near my family again and most of my friends but at the same time, although I love them all, I am frustrated at being uprooted from my church and life here. I like my house and the wide open back-woods land that surrounds my house. My dog loves playing in the yard. Lots of things stink about Sam leaving but the money will be good and God will watch out for us through it all. We are still praying about everything but for now I'm pretty sure he'll be going. I'll keep you updated!

Why Can't I Stop Eating????

Since I moved, I have been wanting to find a gym. I definitely notice a difference when I'm not working out consistently and I just don't feel as strong. Sadly, I've never been at a healthy-looking weight and food is the nemisis in my life. When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat (though not as much). When I'm excited, I eat. I get more excited to sit down by myself and eat food while I watch a TV show then I do to go to church and learn about God! I wish I could have someone analyze me and see why food is such an attachment to me. I feel disgusted by the fact that food is regarded so highly by me and it claims so much of my time, money, effort, and mental capacity. Its not like I'm a smoker who can stop smoking and just get rid of cigarettes. I can't stop eating...I can't stop eating in order to live and I can't stop eating in order to be healthy! Unless you have dealt with being overweight at all in your life, I know you truly cannot understand what its like to have these feelings. And trust me when I say you are better off NOT knowing. And if you are overweight and have these sames feelings...then we need to start a support group because its hard to talk to people who have never dealt with this before - especially someone like my husband who is just a skinny stick covered in muscles, who eats anything and everything he wants to without gaining an ounce, and can easily turn his back on a slice of pizza. God has truly blessed me in my life with Sam but I have no idea how I ended up married to someone with the exact opposite problem. I can't lose weight, Sam can't gain weight! HA! The irony is too great! Ah, but I love him anyway!

Anyway, I joined Gold's Gym and I am bound and determined to get in there and figure myself out. I really like the people I've met there and they are thinking about starting a support group for people like me. The one trainer Amber has been picking my brain about it and I really hope she starts in like TOMORROW! :-)

I am noticing for the first time in my life how much my weight is really affecting things in my life like it never had before. I think about having kids...I think about how unhealthy my body is right now to even carry a child. I think about being the "fat mom" who is lazy and can't do anything with her kids because of her weight. I think about sex and how I don't feel attractive and how that makes me not want to be intimate with my husband. (Too much info? Well sorry...its how I feel) These things didn't exist in my viewfinder until the last few years but even then, they weren't as much of a big deal as they are now for some reason. I honestly feel like I'm a very healthy sexy beautiful productive bubbly confident excited person inside a fat unhappy lazy pathetic whiny unattractive fearful self-conscious body and I'M SICK OF IT! I'm sick of knowing I could be different and just thinking about doing something about it instead of acting on it. I have tried and failed so many times there are parts of me that don't believe I really can achieve this goal. It feels unattainable. I wonder if I want to be fat so I always have something to blame my failures on. I honestly believe that I fail at or am not as good at something as I could be because of my weight. Maybe that sounds crazy to some people but I always justify it in my mind. What if I'm afraid of actually having to fess up to the fact that maybe I'm just not that great at something? With fat out of the way, what can I blame? I guess I'm afraid of being a giant failure deep down but if I don't lose the weight, won't I be a giant failure at that? Its so confusing... I know Satan uses this to keep my mind away from things I want to be focusing on and it makes me angry that I am so wrapped up in his power. And I'm sick of Satan and his crazy ways. I know God can help me do this but I have to let him!

Well I worked out for 2.5 hours today and when I came home I fixed a very healthy meal for myself and I am feeling pretty good right now. I don't want to eat crappy stuff when I know I've worked out so that's a nice push to eat better each day. I will try and track my progress (which I hope there is some) on my blog. Maybe I can use this blog as a resource to write some things whenever I'm having a bad eating day. Maybe that will be beneficial...I don't know. I guess maybe I blog some things that are not exactly what people want to hear or read but hey, I'm me and if you know me, I usually do things differently than a lot of other people so here's April being different just one more time. :-) And if you don't know me, I'm a pretty big deal so you should hang out with me sometime and we'll talk. :-) HA okay that sounded conceited (which really I'm not) so just ignore me. But really I love friends and talking so feel free to contact me anytime. Alright, I need to take a shower. Have a happy day!

Here We Go!

Sam Yoder + April (Winebarger) Yoder = Yoderbarger Family!

So I have never done a blog before but I always read Crystal's blog. In fact, she's really the only other person I know that has a blog besides Camp Manatawny Int. II and Kara. I hate writing in a journal but I am ALWAYS on the computer checking my Facebook so why not just blog?! It makes sense to me.

I'm sitting here as I write this, listening to live coverage online of the Election 2008 and Obama is in the lead with 207 electoral votes with McCain trailing behind with 135 electoral votes. For months now, it has not been a question in my mind that Obama will win but it definitely makes me nervous. With Sam being in the military, we take direct orders from our Commander-In-Chief (aka the President or in military jargon...CinC) so it truly matters who is running the country! But I also know that God is going to work everything out the way it should be so whenever I think about that, I am comforted.


Sam and I voted for Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party for President. Although a Third Party candidate hasn't won since the 1800s (I think 1860 to be precise) I still feel that I have to stand before God and be held accountable for who I voted for and I can't in good conscience stand before God and vote for Obama or McCain, both who I feel are corrupt, will lead our country to socialism, and will continue down the current path of unconstitutional presidential behavior. Did you know that during George W. Bush's time in office, the constitution was violated over 500 times? I can't even imagine what our founding fathers would think! The good thing about today though is that the ads, media craze, hype, news reports, campaigning, etc etc etc WILL BE OVER! YAY!!

On to other things...Sam and I do not have cable. We have a TV but the only things we can watch are DVDs or VHS tapes. This has definitely been a change for me but after much discussion, Sam and I decided we didn't want to pay for cable and not be able to handpick each channel that our money would get for us. We have trouble thinking that any of our money would go towards channels like MTV or others that we absolutely do not support. Sam has certainly been a blessing in my life to really look at things that I do and to ask myself if I could stand before God and justify to HIM why I chose to do certain things. Obviously, I am going to mess this up over and over again and so is Sam but to try and start having that mindset in our lives is very cool! To always try and have my mind on God and what He would want me to do in today's society really keeps me focused on my heavenly priorities, and shows me that I indeed am not "of this world" and my true citizenship is in Heaven! In addition to not having cable, we have been using the money that we would have spent on monthly cable bills to purchase DVDs that are either movies based off a true story or documentary type things (like Planet Earth, Discovery Channel DVDs, etc) I do still watch some TV shows like House, The Biggest Loser, Bones (which is based off a true story!), Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and Army Wives but I watch everything over the internet. I honestly never realized I could watch all those shows over the internet! God has really blessed our technological capabilities. I love this Army Wives logo that has the camo diamond ring!

Well this post is getting pretty long and is about a million different topics so I think I will go ahead and stop for now. I have no idea who will even read this thing but it will be a nice journal of sorts to have for future to look back on! Happy Reading!